An owners manual fell from a nearby tree. Our hunter decided not to read it, for he believed with great certainty that God would protect him. Rain started falling and the alligators grew thicker. An air boat, piloted by Beretta Customer service buzzed by, with the yell “Can we help you?” The man ignored the air boat, saying, “No thanks, God will protect me!”
The skies grew dark; night was approaching. A helicopter appeared overhead. Thinking that he was suffering from panic-induced dementia, he saw the face of John Moses Browning poke out of the helicopter. “I'm John Browning, I invented autoloading shotguns, can I help?” the ghost asked. Steadfast in his belief that his prayers would be answered and his shotgun would soon function, our shotgunning explorer ignored the wispy image of Mr. Browning. The chopper flew away, back into the misty mist of the dusky dusk.
Things changed in a hurry. Nightfall came and the man was quickly dismembered by alligators. Various body parts would later be discovered in the bellies of nearby feral hogs. After his nasty death, the man arrived at the pearly gates demanding to know why God had ignored his prayers. The Lord replied, “Well, I just sent you an owners manual, Beretta Customer Service and John Browning.”
And so it goes, one less plate for supper. Our tyro hunter was, of course, a remarkably stupid individual. Anyone knows that a random sighting of Beretta Customer Service could only be due to Divine Intervention.