Lunchtime Longhouse

getcher turnip onna stick

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autoloading shotguns tend to jam
I take no credit for the following - I got it from here: . If you shoot shotguns, or think you might someday, you should read pretty much everything here:

A devoutly religious hunter found himself deep in the swamp, with alligators surrounding him. There were also assorted poisonous snakes and rumor has it a directionally challenged grizzly bear was in the area as well. Armed only with his autoloading shotgun, our adventurer fired off a shot at the gator who had just made a snack out of his little dog. His autoloader jammed. “God, please help me,” the man prayed. The growl of the grizzly grew closer.

An owners manual fell from a nearby tree. Our hunter decided not to read it, for he believed with great certainty that God would protect him. Rain started falling and the alligators grew thicker. An air boat, piloted by Beretta Customer service buzzed by, with the yell “Can we help you?” The man ignored the air boat, saying, “No thanks, God will protect me!”

The skies grew dark; night was approaching. A helicopter appeared overhead. Thinking that he was suffering from panic-induced dementia, he saw the face of John Moses Browning poke out of the helicopter. “I'm John Browning, I invented autoloading shotguns, can I help?” the ghost asked. Steadfast in his belief that his prayers would be answered and his shotgun would soon function, our shotgunning explorer ignored the wispy image of Mr. Browning. The chopper flew away, back into the misty mist of the dusky dusk.

Things changed in a hurry. Nightfall came and the man was quickly dismembered by alligators. Various body parts would later be discovered in the bellies of nearby feral hogs. After his nasty death, the man arrived at the pearly gates demanding to know why God had ignored his prayers. The Lord replied, “Well, I just sent you an owners manual, Beretta Customer Service and John Browning.”

And so it goes, one less plate for supper. Our tyro hunter was, of course, a remarkably stupid individual. Anyone knows that a random sighting of Beretta Customer Service could only be due to Divine Intervention.


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Haha love it. Will check out the reading at that link, too - thanks! Been meaning to watch The Art of the Tactical Shotgun as well, will post after I do.

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